Longtime readers of this Web log (all six of you; hi, Mom!) might recall that I freaking hate the Giants. You may not know that I have many relatives who live/once lived in the Bay Area and are Giants fans (and Raiders fans, too, for reasons I do not comprehend). Following is the text of an e-mail I sent to my beloved West Coast family.
From: [redacted]
Subject: battle of the saints
Date: September 16, 2006 1:38:10 AM CDT
To: [redacted]
Dear Family,
I had completely forgotten that San Francisco has a baseball team. You guys have uniforms and everything! How adorable is that?
Fourteen runs. You guys know that St. Louis can’t hit, right? Although, looking at the season ERAs for the relievers who pitched Friday night (5.10, 8.41, 6.75, 9.82) might explain something.
About the only negative thing about that game was that none of your guys got hit after two of ours got drilled. (an inside joke in my family; they think I’m barbaric for advocating retaliation, and I think they are pansies for not.)
Regards,
Jeff
September 23, 2006 at 6:24 am
The opening paragraph of your letter was wonderfully condescending. Not in a swarmy Jay Mariotti way either. It reminds me of something PJ O’Rourke would write as a lead-in to an article on Muammar Gadhaffi. Good work.
September 23, 2006 at 1:25 pm
Thanks, Dan, but I can’t actually claim it as my own. It’s a reference to “Major League.”
I’m nothing if not derivative.