I need to stop taking showers

Well, maybe not entirely. But at least during games.

I had it all lined up: The house was (sort of) picked up and The Boy down for a nap mere minutes before the first pitch. All lined up except for one thing: I had to be at work at 4 and needed a shower.

After six innings, it was about 3 p.m. With Scott Rolen (.576 OPS), Jim Edmonds (.502) and Preston Wilson (.495) coming up in the seventh, I figured I could get clean and not miss much.

How wrong I was. After Rolen whiffed, Jim Edmonds finessed a walk against Ted Lilly. Wilson then came up and crushed a ball onto Waveland Avenue to give the Cardinals the lead. One suggestion, P-Dub: When you’re hitting .200/.220/.275 on the season, walking halfway up the first-base line before you begin your trot looks kind of bad, regardless of how hard you hit the ball. Still, nice shot, yo.

I understand there also was some defensive kookiness in the bottom half of the seventh. After seeing the replay approximately 77 times on “SportsCenter,” it looked as if Yadier Molina was trying to catch Henry Blanco’s pop-up bunt attempt with his bare hand to try to throw behind Jacque Jones for the double play.

Fresh out of the shower, though, I’m clueless to what had just transpired. All I see is that the Cards have the lead and there are runners on first and second. But as if to put an exclamation point on yet another superb start, Braden Looper reared back and struck out both Mark DeRosa and pinch-hitter Daryle Ward. I’m wondering that, since he knew he was due up first in the eighth inning, Looper just pinned his ears back and let it rip. Two strikeouts in that situation is mad clutch.

As an uneventful eighth inning and top of the ninth pass, it’s time to leave for work. I put on the Moonman in the car for the bottom half. As I get about two minutes away from my office, this happens:

Typical Cubs play: You’re gifted second base on a walk to the batter, yet you still manage to overslide the base and get tagged out. Dumbass.

Give Mike Shannon credit: He was on top of this from the get-go. He about had a coronary when the play went down and was apoplectic during the umpires’ conference. I can only imagine Ron Santo’s reaction when Ronny Cedeno was called out.

As maddening as the Cardinals have been this young season, it’s good to beat the Cubs. It’s even better to banish them to the basement. Ha-ha, jerks.

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Notes from that other “rivalry:” As if we needed any more reasons to loathe Alex Rodriguez, his two home runs Friday night were Nos. 475 and 476, moving him past Baseball’s Perfect Knight on the all-time list. … former Cardinals farm hand Coco Crisp went ass over teakettle trying rob A-Fraud of No. 476. … And Red Sox fans are monumental douchebags, but you already knew that.