Tony La Russa = George W. Bush

After having 24 hours to cogitate on the La Russa-Pujols All Star Conundrum, I think I’ve made my decision.

I’m done with La Russa.

I know that means absoloutely nothing in the grand scheme, because A) I’m a blogger, B) an untalented one at that, and 3) one who hasn’t had anything to say in months.

The decision not to bat Albert Pujols in the ninth inning of Tuesday’s All-Star Game was perplexing enough, but his comments afterward were the final nail:

Albert was the guy who was going to do whatever we needed. If Albert doesn’t understand that, I’m surprised and disappointed. It isn’t that tough a thing. I explained his role to him before the game. Let me ask you this. If we go to extra innings, who’s going to be our player to move around and play? Can Dmitri move around and play? Or is Albert going to do that? Who’s the most versatile guy not playing? It’s Albert. It isn’t even that tough. He’ll figure it out sooner or later.

Translation: “How dare Albert and the media mopes question my strategy? I’m the manager, and I’ll make the decisions. In other words, I’m the decider. I am above accountability. Plus, if you don’t understand, you’re obviously not as smart as me.”

Now it’s this blogger’s turn to ask some questions:

• How can you not bat your best player in a potentially game-winning situation?
• How can you repeatedly pass up your own player in such a situation?
• Why would you want to risk alienating your meal ticket?

Albert Pujols is the only reason you are still employed in St. Louis, Tony. Just remember that.

La Russa has entered the rarified pantheon of people who make me shake my head in frustration at the sound of their voices or just mere sight of them. The other members: the aforementioned President Bush and Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich.

And now Tony La Russa. It’s kind of a shame that he basically has set fire to all the goodwill that Cardinal Nation showered upon him last fall.

Don’t be fatuous, Jeffrey

The Seattle Mariners have made their signing of Jeff Weaver official, trotting him out in front of the Seattle media mopes.

Everyone knows that Weaver’s agent is The Evil One, who apparently lawyered up Weaver before the press conference:

I mean, after the season ends and you have certain people telling you they’d like to have you back and you’re a piece to the puzzle. And it’s two, three months later and things are still dragging … you want to feel wanted.

Even The Evil One got into the act, as quoted by Bernie Miklasz:

The thing I want fans to know is Jeff Weaver waited on the Cardinals. He waited for them. He turned down millions of dollars and more years from other teams so he could wait for them. And when it came down to it, the Cardinals’ offer just wasn’t there.

I understand that the waiting is the hardest part. But what of Weaver’s alleged desire to remain in St. Louis? Let’s ask him:

Eventually, (stability) would be a major point.

I’d say that one year is less stable than the two years the Cardinals were said to have offered. Add that to a seemingly good relationship with Dave Duncan and the eternal gratitude of Cardinal Nation. But I guess that and $12 million (what the AP article reported was the Cards’ offer) won’t get you a venti soy latte.

So he’s right back where he started last offseason, waiting for a multiple-year, big-dollar contract that never comes, taking instead a one-year deal from a team that resides in a division that historically has given him trouble:

Weaver vs AL West teams

LAA: 5-5, 2.78 ERA, 5 HR in 74.1 IP
OAK: 3-3, 5.61 ERA, 9 HR in 61 IP
TEX: 2-5, 5.25 ERA, 7 HR in 58.1 IP

He also hasn’t pitched well at Safeco, going 1-2 with a 6.55 ERA in three starts and a relief outing against the Mariners.

Whatever, dude. Thanks for pitching so brilliantly during last year’s postseason. We’ll see you again in July on the DFA heap.

Gordo mails it in

After a refreshing break from blogging to bask in the afterglow of the World Series, I return to the Cardinals blogosphere with my fingers-cut-out gloves, warming my hands over the burn barrel that is MLB’s free-agent frenzy.

You’re thrilled, I know.

The autumn GM meetings are coming to a close, and not much has come of the meetings save for a couple of low-level trades.

The real action begins with the winter meetings, held this year in Orlando, and St. Louis’ own Jeff Gordon runs down the names that could be switching teams come December in his Free-Agent Shopping Guide.

Unfortunately for Gordo, either he wrote this like three weeks ago and nobody bothered to update it before it was posted, or this was an extremely lazy, half-assed and at times incredibly stupid attempt to inform people. You know, like the way we do here at The 26th Man.

The column contains numerous factual errors and a few misspelled names, the endless trumpeting of things like pitchers’ won-loss records and hitters’ batting averages and a near-total ignorance of meaningful things like, oh, slugging and on-base percentages. You know, things that are relevant to today’s game.

It doesn’t take long for the bull to start flowing, so strap on your hip boots, folks… it runs deep:

Daisuke Matsuzaka, SP: The Red Sox reported spent $45 million just for the right to negotiate with the Japanese star. Signing may cost another $30 million over three years.

“Reported spent $45 million”? Don’t be fatuous, Jeffrey. This column was posted a full day after it was reported that Matsuzaka was posted to the Red Sox for $51.1 million. I guess you didn’t bother to check your employer’s Web site regarding the Red Sox bid. You’re also delusional if you think Scott Boras will let him sign for a mere 3/$30M.

Juan Pierre, CF: He was really, really happy when the Twins exercised their option on Hunter. Pierre made the most of last season, batting .292 and swiping 58 bases for the otherwise lifeless Cubs.

Sure, he made the most of last season, if that’s what you mean by him having a below-league-average OBP and leading the league in outs (ain’t cherry-picking stats fun?). This cat had only one more base on balls than our own David Eckstein despite playing in 40 more games. And Gordo lists Pierre as a “high-end free agent.” Zuh?

Vincente Padilla, SP: He is a big, sturdy 29-year-old coming off a 15-10 season for the Phillies.

Um, Jeff? Padilla’s first name is “Vicente,” and he played for the Rangers. At least you got his record correct. So you got that going for you, which is nice.

Moises Alou, OF: Sure, he will turn 41 next season. But Alou swatted 22 homers and 25 homers in 345 at bats last season while hitting .301. We don’t want to tell Walt Jocketty how to run his team, but he would be a perfect semi-regular for the Cardinals in left field.

Alou swatted 22 homers and 25 homers last season, eh? That’s the quietest 47-homer campaign in history then. The Alou blurb began a run of subtle homer references, which continued with…

Luis Gonzalez, OF: From his perch in the FOX broadcast booth, Gonzalez campaigned for a Cardinals gig next season. He hit 52 doubles last season, along with 15 homers, and he would offer a significant defensive upgrade over Chris Duncan. He saw the success Larry Walker had in St. Louis at the end of his career and that appeals to him.

I’ll concede that Gonzo would probably have fewer adventures in fielding fly balls, but as a wise man once said, “If ya ain’t got the hose, the water just won’t come out.” And if by the “success Larry Walker had” Gordo means the 60 games Walker missed in 2005, the Cardinals could probably do without that kind of success.

David Dellucci, OF: He followed a 29-homer season in Texas with a .292 season in Philadelphia…

Nothing like trying to make your case with apples and oranges.

Gil Meche, SP: During his last four Mariners seasons, he won 44 games and started 106 games. He got that ERA down to 4.48 last season, so he set himself up pretty well.

Obviously, Gordo doesn’t read Viva El Birdos.

Greg Counsell, SS: It too much to ask him to play every day, but he can still fill in for prolonged periods and provide some spark.

Greg Counsell? Awesome.

Ronnie Belliard, 2B: We headed back to Cleveland, where, apparently, he has a LOT of favorite restaurants.

We headed back to Cleveland? I had no idea that Gordo and tha Gangsta of Glove were pals. I’m thinking he meant “Was headed back…” And way to slip a fat joke in there, Gordo. Pure class.

I haven’t even mentioned the many other instances of him trumpeting the fact that such-and-such pitcher had “back-to-back 12-win campaigns” or said batter “hit .301 at age 39. Do people still care about pitchers’ wins? Do people see a .300 batting average and still shit themselves with glee?

If it seems I’m picking on ol’ Jeff Gordon, well… I am. There’s really no excuse for him to turn in a piece so riddled with errors and inaccuracies. He put not only his name on it, but that of his main employer to say nothing of the fine folks at FoxSports.com. It just reflects poorly on everyone involved.

It’s all over, people!

We don’t have a prayer!

Jason Marquis is on the playoff roster. Anthony Reyes is not. We are screwed. Padres all the way.

Of all the boneheaded, unfathomable decisions Tony La Russa has made, putting Marquis on the playoff roster has to be the most boneheaded and unfathomable of them all.

Was TLR not paying attention to when Marquis was pitching the past two months? Was he not paying attention in Marquis’ last start? Is TLR so daft that he actually would use Marquis to preserve a hyptothetical seventh-inning tie? Would you, dear readers, like to see Marquis used in such a situation? Nah, me neither.

Oh, and TLR is going with a three-man rotation of Carpenter-Weaver-Suppan. Jeff Weaver on short rest in a hypothetical Game 5? You gotta be shittin’ me, Pyle! I’m scared of Weaver on normal rest.

I am now absolutely convinced TLR is trying to get himself fired. I say good riddance, once and for all. Don’t let it hitcha on the way out, B.

Let The Secret Weapon Era begin.

Peace out, dawg

(Tom Gannam/AP)

Way to rise to the occasion, Jason.

In what most certainly will be his last start wearing the Birds on the Bat, Jason Marquis had what has become a typical Jason Marquis outing: 6 earned runs on 5 hits and 3 walks in 2 innings and his 35th home run allowed.

In losing his eighth of his past 10 decisions, his ERA jumped to 6.02. Six earned runs every nine innings, over the course of a full season. And for that, he was paid $5.15 million.

So, how bad was he?

He was SO BAD, that, even with 33 starts, he didn’t reach his first performance incentive: $25,000 for 200 IP. He’ll finish with 194.1 IP, or roughly 17 outs per start.

Just for giggles, let’s break this down further. In 2006, Jason Marquis made:

• $5.15M, or
• $26,500.90 per inning pitched, or
• $8,833.63 per out, or
• $68,666.67 per base on balls, or
• $147,142.86 per home run

See ya next year in Kansas City, pal.

For more Rage Against the Marquis, see:

• Good God (Bellyitcher)
• Twisting the knife (Redbirdbrain)
• Deathwatch, Day 9 (Stan Musial’s Stance)

Expectations can be the dickens

(David J. Phillip/AP)

Wow. Another walk-off loss. That makes three in four nights. And don’t forget Lance Berkman’s eighth-inning homer Thursday. A virtual walk-off, that.

This season certainly has been interesting. I’ve had to temper my expectations for the team as the season has wore on. As late as this time last week, I expected the team to merely make the playoffs, nothing else. The making of hay is not something I’m counting on.

But after what has transpired the past four games, I’m not sure we’ll even make the playoffs. And what’s worse, I’m not sure I even care.

I mean, they probably will make the playoffs, and of course I will root for them to win. But honestly, it wouldn’t surprise me if they didn’t qualify, and I don’t think I will be upset if they don’t.

Back in 2003, the last time we missed the playoffs, I was quite angry about it. That season-changing five-game set at the Wrigs fostered a deep bitterness in me.

But right now, my overriding emotion with this team is, “Meh.” Geoff Jenkins’ walkoff dinger Wednesday night? Meh. I missed the crux of Thursday’s game, but Craig Biggio’s walkoff fister Friday? Meh. Luke Scott’s walkoff dinger Saturday? Meh.

It’s hard to get excited about a team that is losing so dramatically in the micro sense and plays so inconsistently in the macro.

Same old stories

It’s getting to be the time of year when The Great Northeast Media Hype Machine begins acknowledging the existence of teams outside the New York-Boston sphere.

The past couple of days, the Old Grey Lady herself has published a couple of stories in which the Cardinals feature prominently. (stories may require registration)

The first was a piece, which ran Friday, about noted fantasy baseball expert Ron Shandler, who’s the author of the long-running “Baseball Forecaster” and runs BaseballHQ.

His success at those ventures led to him getting a job with our Cardinals:

Shandler’s reputation caught the attention of Jeff Luhnow, who was appointed vice president for player procurement by the Cardinals after the 2003 season.

“I was an entrepreneur and did two technology companies on the West Coast,” Luhnow said. “And when you start a company, you oftentimes pull together a group of experts that can add a little credibility to your company.”

Shandler’s deal with the Cardinals allowed him to keep working on Baseball HQ and “Forecaster,” which Times reporter Benjamin Hoffman touches on:

A few weeks before the Cardinals acquired (Mark) Mulder in December 2004, a negative report about Mulder appeared in “Baseball Forecaster” with the comment, “Risk-averse drafters might want to spend their money elsewhere.”

Well, Jeff Luhnow, if you’re paying a guy for his advice, why didn’t you follow it?

When the trade was completed, Shandler’s followers questioned the integrity of his report, with some suggesting that he had given Mulder a poor evaluation in an effort to lower his trade value.

Even if those accusations were true, the Cardinals didn’t seem fazed at all by the report and pulled the trigger for Mulder. No wonder Shandler quit:

“After a while it was like, ‘Why am I spinning my wheels here? I don’t know if they’re taking my information into account when making their moves.’ ”

No, they sure didn’t take the advice they were paying you supply. It’s kind of funny; on the TV in the background as I type this post is a “Who’s #1″ program on ESPN2 about “Trade Robberies.” While this trade doesn’t rate on the all-time MLB list, it’s certainly the worst since the Van Slyke-Pena deal, possibly since the Carlton-Wise deal.

But we already knew that.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The second article about the Cardinals ran in Sunday’s Times, this time written by the esteemed Murray Chass.

In it, Chass takes a look at the Cardinals recent woes, which we know all about, but which nobody inside the Northeast media orbit seems to know about.

The first few paragraphs compare the fortunes of the Cardinals and the Dodgers, teams that on July 26 were 58-42 and in first place and 47-55 and in last place, respectively. What’s happened since, Murray?

Seven weeks later, after they played their games last Wednesday, the Cardinals still led the N.L. Central, with a 77-68 record, and the Dodgers were in first place in the N.L. West with a 77-68 record.

[snip]

In that seven-week span, the Dodgers had a 30-13 record and the Cardinals went 19-26. The fortunes of the two teams were reflected in eight-game losing streaks. The Dodgers lost their eighth consecutive game July 26, then began an 11-game winning streak in their next game. (They won 17 of 18.) The Cardinals began an eight-game losing streak July 27 and haven’t really recovered.

Chass then plays the “What’s Wrong With the Cardinals?” game, going through the laundry list of stuff we’ve known for weeks: starting pitching, relief pitching, nobody hits but Pujols, etc.

I’m not sure why this story bugs me; it’s not like it’s nothing I don’t know already. Maybe it’s that whole patronizing you’re-not-in-the-Northeast-you’re-not-important attitude that’s implicit in these kinds of stories. It’s like playoff time is the only time of year they can acknowledge the existence teams elsewhere in the United States.

Family issues

Longtime readers of this Web log (all six of you; hi, Mom!) might recall that I freaking hate the Giants. You may not know that I have many relatives who live/once lived in the Bay Area and are Giants fans (and Raiders fans, too, for reasons I do not comprehend). Following is the text of an e-mail I sent to my beloved West Coast family.

From: [redacted]
Subject: battle of the saints
Date: September 16, 2006 1:38:10 AM CDT
To: [redacted]

Dear Family,

I had completely forgotten that San Francisco has a baseball team. You guys have uniforms and everything! How adorable is that?

Fourteen runs. You guys know that St. Louis can’t hit, right? Although, looking at the season ERAs for the relievers who pitched Friday night (5.10, 8.41, 6.75, 9.82) might explain something.

About the only negative thing about that game was that none of your guys got hit after two of ours got drilled. (an inside joke in my family; they think I’m barbaric for advocating retaliation, and I think they are pansies for not.)

Regards,

Jeff

I’m a bad person

I’m bad (sham on) because it gives me great pleasure to see Albert Pujols stomp on what remained of Brad Lidge’s fragile psyche. And career.

You knew something good was going to happen when Lidge hit Scott Spiezio with his first pitch. It’s as if he saw the Big Righthander settle into the on-deck circle and then evacuated the contents of his intestines. Perhaps we can call this Pujols-induced psychosis “Albertophrenia.”

It reminds me of that episode of “The Simpsons” when Moe stole the recipe of a tasty alcoholic beverage (using Krusty-brand Non-Narkotik Kough Syrup) that Homer invented and renamed it The Flaming Moe:

Homer: [mumbling] Moe… Moe… Moe…
Marge: Bart, are you going to mow the lawn today?
Bart: Okay, but you promised me mo’ money.
Marge: I mo, I mo.
Homer: [mumbling] Moe… Moe… Moe…
Lisa: When Bart’s done, can we mo to the moe-vies? There’s a moe-tinee.
Marge: Of course! All work and mo play makes Moe a moe moe.
Bart: Moe moe moe moe moe?
Marge: Moe moe moe.
Lisa: Moe moe-moe-moe-moe moe.
Bart: Moe-moe-moe moe.
Maggie: [removes her pacifier] Moe.

I picture Lidge curled in the fetal position in front of his locker, sobbing hysterically and screaming, “Make the bad man stop!”

Thanks a lot, jerkface

I was all set to write about what an important win this was.

I was all set to write about Ronnie Belliard’s play on a Jose Reyes grounder with one out in the sixth, how it saved a run and how had it gotten through there’d be a whole new ballgame.

I was all set to write about how, while Chris Duncan won’t make anyone forget Willie Mays in the outfield, he’s busting his butt to make plays, using his less-than-graceful dive in the first off a Reyes gapper as proof.

I was all set to write about how Braden Looper ignored the mad boos floated in his direction to get two huge outs in the eighth.

Best laid plans and all that.

Way to waste a Braskyesque effort from Albert Pujols and yeoman’s work from Duncan and Aaron Miles.

Jerkface.